Q1: List Your New Years Resolutions for 2016.

Ok I know its a bit of an obvious and predictable place to start, but hey, this is only my 3rd post so I'm starting nice and easy...

1) To speak up when things upset me.
Most people who know me would tell you that I'm very vocal about things that annoy me, but for every grievance I talk about, there are another ten festering away inside, giving me anxiety and making me feel like poo. I speak up about the little things to give the impression I'm assertive, but keep quiet about the thing that really upset me. So if someone does something that really hurts me, I'll be saying something about it. NOT aggressively though! I need to find a balance between looking after myself and not hurting others in the process. If I don't like my dinner that evening, I won't be telling the chef 'Well that was shit...', but if someone makes plans with me then does said plans with someone else first, I'll be letting them know that really hurt my feelings.


2) To take better care of my appearance.
Ok, I'll clarify now, I shower regularly! But I generally do the bare minimum when it comes to looking after myself. As long as I'm clean and my clothes are clean, that's usually good enough for me. I LOVE makeup. Adore it. But I only tend to wear it if I'm going somewhere nice (which isn't often...) or to work. So it would be great if each day, instead of just getting out of the shower and getting dressed, I put a nicer outfit on, just a lick of mascara, a dab of lip balm, hell, matching underwear would be a good start! And instead of just scraping my arse length hair into a pony tail, I attempt to do something with Resolution Number 3...

3) Get a Damn Haircut!
I genuinely have Tonsurephobia so have had my hair cut twice in 13 years. I know, mental. I had it done for my 22nd birthday when my Nana prepaid for it, so couldn't back out, and again at 26, 5 months after having my daughter. Any woman who has had a kid will tell you, your hair is shot to shit after you give birth. It was falling out in clumps, snapping off in chunks, I looked a mess, so my friend Sam made an appointment for me at the salon she goes to. She pre-warned the stylist how bad I am with haircuts, so they were great with me. They turned me away from the mirror so I didn't have to see what was happening, and the hair on floor was swept away as fast as it was falling. They even let Sam take up the chair next to me, so I had a reassuring face to concentrate on and talk to. If I'm completely honest when they finally revealed the finished 'do, I was that relieved I didn't look like a tool, I burst into the tears I'd been fighting back since walking through the door. So I plan to get my hair cut at least once a year.

4) Lose Weight. 

No description needed really. I weigh more than I'd like to, so need to do something about it.

5) Rekindle neglected friendships.

I have several friends that, over the past few years, I haven't kept in touch with as well as I should have. 

In 2013, after maybe 5-6 months of irrational behaviour, I agreed to go and speak to my GP. A long talk and lots of tears later I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression that stemmed from Post Natal Depression, and Social Anxiety Disorder. I was given medication that really helped with certain aspects of these issues, but after already spending nearly 2 years not leaving my house for more than a quick grocery shop with my family, I found it, and still do, very difficult to immerse myself back into the world. I have a couple of friends that have kept in permanent touch throughout this time, so was able to leave the safety of home with them for brief moments, but they have lives of their own too, so it's very difficult to find time where all of us are able to do something together. 

I've pushed away others that want to see and have isolated myself from doing most things I used to not only enjoy but revel in, and I'm sure I've lost myself a few friends in doing so.

I'd like to say now to these people: I'm sorry. Really fucking sorry. I love you guys so much. And this year I PROMISE to push myself to see you. Even if it means only half an hour in BHS for a bun and a beverage. I'll do it. It's hard coping with someone with mental health issues. I know, I have to cope with myself everyday.

Sorry, this post is turning a bit miserable there, isn't it! So let's end on a high note...

6) Tell my daughter every day how much I love her.

Boo can be either the picture perfect angel or the demon spawn of Satan himself, it entirely depends on how she woke up that morning. But no matter how cheeky she can get and how much she gets told off for it, (and she WILL be told off... ) she will ALWAYS go to bed knowing I love her to the edge of the universe and back.

Much Love,

Hollie-emma

xXx

!!!UPDATE!!!
Just before Christmas, I HAD MY HAIRCUT! 
The Big Man said if I was going to get it done, I might as well have it done for Christmas. A friend of mine, Gemma, works at a really nice spa, so booked me an appointment with their top hairdresser Emily. 
Emily was a dream. The chick has the patience of a saint! 
She took me from this:

Down to my arse, split ends a foot long and costs me a fortune in conditioner...

To THIS:

I have a fringe!!! Feels so much better!